Friday, May 8, 2015

Remembering My Dad

I'm not sure which date is harder for me to swallow,  May 8th or Mother's Day.  Four years ago I lost my dad on Mother's Day, May 8th to a massive heart attack.  It doesn't seem possible that it has been that long.  Things have changed so much that when I think about it everything seems jumbled.  For the longest time I had this weird way of thinking about events (ok, I still do it but not as bad) as being either BDD or ADD (Before Dad Died, After Dad Died).

I could not have asked for a better father, period.  He was always very loving and very supportive no matter what my hair brain idea was.  I simply had him wrapped around my finger so much, that I'm not sure if my mom found it endearing or annoying.  I remember one time when I was probably four my grandparents came in from out of town and we took a trip to the local game farm.  It was July or August and super hot and humid outside and you had to walk a really long way to see the bison display.  I begged my dad to carry me to the exhibit saying that I didn't feel well.  The back story is I was always begging to be carried, I was L-A-Z-Y.
Proof I was always on his shoulders.

For once he stood his ground and made me walk and then there was the really long photo shoot of family pictures.  When we got home that evening my mom took my temperature and it was very high.  I really was sick.  My poor daddy felt awful.  I think he carried me for the next five years no questions asked.

I remained the center of his world until 2000 when I gave him the best gift ever (and lost my top dog status just slightly) my daughter was born.  

She absolutely adored him and he her.  Her favorite thing to do on the weekends from the time she could talk was to spend time at grandma and pap-paw's house.  She was with my mom they day she found my dad and my brave little 10 year old held herself together to call me to get to there.  For such a young age I think she handled herself in a horrific situation better than the rest of us.  

It breaks my heart that he is gone and the things he has missed.  Energy can neither be destroyed or created.  I believe that he still lets us know he is around.  

One of the last conversations we had was about getting a pool and after he passed we did purchase one.  We were in the process of setting it up and I was feeling sorry for myself.  I looked up at the open door of my dad's outbuilding and noticed for the first time something I had not seen before.

In the center of the door he had spray painted a smiley face.  

While going through pictures to have at his viewing I ran across a picture from a Christmas when I was smaller.  I never quite understood the picture.  No one was looking at the camera, the grown ups where talking and dad was doing something but I had never paid attention to what.  In that moment I finally saw it.

Flying through the air straight for my mother's head was a wrapping paper ball.  I miss his since of humor and joking.  Always remember to laugh.  

I just wanted to take a few minuets to recognize him on a day that hurts.  Those that knew him would tell you what a great person he was.  He was not showy and did not need recognition for the things he did.  He was one of the few people that just didn't complain.  He was simply put, love.  

One last thing, after everything had happen, I got a chance to go through his camera and look at pictures he had taken.  I realized he was giving me some very important advice through the things he had seen.  It's the simplest moments we should notice, in its own way, everything is beautiful.

I love you and miss you very much, Dad!

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